A couple weeks ago I was reading an article in Ebony Magazine called, "5 Mistakes Single Sisters Make that are Keeping them from the altar". I took it to heart and even wrote a little commentary on a local website. I think it was a hit, however, while all the women were taking inventory and recognizing their faults, the guys on the other hand were spouting off in agreement as to that is why they stay single. I felt it was my responsibility to express that the road to the altar is a rough one and the lack of couples on that road does not lay fault squarely on the sisters. So after surveying married, single, and divorced men from various ethnic backgrounds and social economic status, I came up with the top 5 Mistakes Single Brothers Make that are Keeping them from the Altar.
Mistake Number One:
Sleeping Around
Many brothers make the mistake of getting sexually involved before allowing time for a relationship to build. Also, pursuing sexual activity from every potential candidate after which, they complain that there aren’t any good women out there. Men are more likely to pursue a non-committed; no strings attached relationship rather than trying to spend time outside of the bedroom (for fear of having to spend money) to get to know a woman. No matter what anyone says, it doesn’t take a panel of psychologists to tell us, sex is a very emotional activity and it will eventually take its toll on those who misuse it. Whether it is in the form of impotency or an STD, you are doing more harm to a potential relationship by not making yourself exclusive.
Mistake Number Two:
Moving in together
For what it is worth, the phrase “Why buy the cow when the milk is free” goes both ways. Most think that they are getting the best of both worlds with no commitment and a live in girlfriend. But playing house brings about more issues than a semi-committed couple can typically handle. The number one cause of relationship disharmony is money. Every complaint outside of sex and chores (which some married men could argue are one in the same) boils down to a matter of finances. If the reason for moving in with someone is for financial reasons, don’t be fooled in thinking those financial burdens gathered separately, will somehow dissipate with a union of the two.
Mistake Number Three:
Not Financially Stable/Prepared
This mistake is easily misrepresented. It is preferred that before marriage, each person is financially stable. However, what many women perceive to be a responsible man, turn out to be a man-child. Perpetrating to have it all together when he in fact has not sense of priority when it comes to bills and/or purchase decisions (i.e. Buying an Escalade, while renting an apartment and all the furniture in it). Women are becoming more and more financially independent and aren’t looking for someone to take care of them anymore, nor are the looking to take care of a grown man either.
Mistake Number Four:
Desperate and it shows
Contrary to popular belief, men also can be desperate for a relationship. Society would have us to believe that women are the only sex that pressures their significant other to get married. Yet there are many instances of that same pressure coming from men.
Mistake Number Five:
Not dressing/looking the part
Not referring totally to the way a brother dresses, but appearance make a difference in how women receive your advances. Just like most men, most women want a man who shows a sense respect and responsibility in his dress and upkeep. Unfortunately, popular music videos portraying an unrealistic lifestyle and public normality, contribute to the skewed ideals and expectations of both men and women. Consequently, many brothers are greatly influenced by these images and perpetuate them by trying to “look the part”. In essence, not realizing that the type of women those looks attract, are not the type of women they are interested in marrying. If you keep attracting the same kind of women, maybe it isn’t the women at all that need to change.
Mistake Number One:
Sleeping Around
Many brothers make the mistake of getting sexually involved before allowing time for a relationship to build. Also, pursuing sexual activity from every potential candidate after which, they complain that there aren’t any good women out there. Men are more likely to pursue a non-committed; no strings attached relationship rather than trying to spend time outside of the bedroom (for fear of having to spend money) to get to know a woman. No matter what anyone says, it doesn’t take a panel of psychologists to tell us, sex is a very emotional activity and it will eventually take its toll on those who misuse it. Whether it is in the form of impotency or an STD, you are doing more harm to a potential relationship by not making yourself exclusive.
Mistake Number Two:
Moving in together
For what it is worth, the phrase “Why buy the cow when the milk is free” goes both ways. Most think that they are getting the best of both worlds with no commitment and a live in girlfriend. But playing house brings about more issues than a semi-committed couple can typically handle. The number one cause of relationship disharmony is money. Every complaint outside of sex and chores (which some married men could argue are one in the same) boils down to a matter of finances. If the reason for moving in with someone is for financial reasons, don’t be fooled in thinking those financial burdens gathered separately, will somehow dissipate with a union of the two.
Mistake Number Three:
Not Financially Stable/Prepared
This mistake is easily misrepresented. It is preferred that before marriage, each person is financially stable. However, what many women perceive to be a responsible man, turn out to be a man-child. Perpetrating to have it all together when he in fact has not sense of priority when it comes to bills and/or purchase decisions (i.e. Buying an Escalade, while renting an apartment and all the furniture in it). Women are becoming more and more financially independent and aren’t looking for someone to take care of them anymore, nor are the looking to take care of a grown man either.
Mistake Number Four:
Desperate and it shows
Contrary to popular belief, men also can be desperate for a relationship. Society would have us to believe that women are the only sex that pressures their significant other to get married. Yet there are many instances of that same pressure coming from men.
Mistake Number Five:
Not dressing/looking the part
Not referring totally to the way a brother dresses, but appearance make a difference in how women receive your advances. Just like most men, most women want a man who shows a sense respect and responsibility in his dress and upkeep. Unfortunately, popular music videos portraying an unrealistic lifestyle and public normality, contribute to the skewed ideals and expectations of both men and women. Consequently, many brothers are greatly influenced by these images and perpetuate them by trying to “look the part”. In essence, not realizing that the type of women those looks attract, are not the type of women they are interested in marrying. If you keep attracting the same kind of women, maybe it isn’t the women at all that need to change.
